I never thought we’d be the kind of couple that needed therapy but, then again, I guess there is no kind. Thirteen years, twelve months and… a couple of days later — I’d mention the exact number but I don’t want anyone thinking of me as that kind of girl — and, here we are.
“It’s like she’s given up on herself and she’s mad at me for refusing to do the same thing to myself,” Dylan said, Instantly snapping Thando out of her train of thought and back into reality.
“Excuse me?” She said, completely taken aback.
“And I’m never allowed to express anything that even slightly resembles discontentment or unhappiness. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to pretend to be fine when all I really wanted to do was scream; it’s like she expects me to hold everything together on my own and I don’t think that’s how marriages are supposed to work.”
“On your own, Dylan?! Really!?” Thando said, her voice starting to rise.
“It’s important to stay calm so we can maintain effective communication,” Dr. Schwarz said in what almost was just a whisper.
Oh great, Thando thought. She’s one of those.
The kind of person who becomes overly animated when they’re trying to make a point, only to end up making others feel like they’re being condescended to.
“Thank you, doctor ” Dylan said, his voice coated in immense satisfaction, “I’m also glad to see you enjoying that coffee!”
The doctor looked at the mug, handed to her by Dylan as they walked into the session and realised that she hadn’t even taken a sip. She blushed, realising how rude she must seem and took a big gulp.
“As I was saying,” Dylan continued, “I’m always telling her to chill. Like… relax, bro!”
Rage boiled inside of Thando, harder than raging heat. She gripped the edge of her seat.
“I genuinely think that I wouldn’t even mind the fact that I’m basically carrying this family on my back if she didn’t nag me as much as she does.”
That’s it !
“What back?” Thando snapped, “ you need a spine to have a back, babe and, yours have been missing for the past decade.”
“See how hard she tries to provoke me?” Dylan said, pointing to her like a child tattling on a bully on the playground.
“You think you’re carrying this family on your back? Really? So tell me, what’s the code for the alarm?”
“See?” Dylan repeated, still addressing the therapist.
“Well, are you going to answer her?” Dr. Schwarz asked, much to Dylan’s chagrin.
She took another sip of her coffee.
“Why should I have to answer such a silly question?! What she’s asking means nothing in the grand scheme of things!”
“How so?” Dr. Schwarz asked, slightly lowering her head so she could look at Dylan over the Frame of her glasses.
The look reminded him of his first nanny, Tannie Richards. His heart raced as he recalled all the times he had to run to avoid getting pinched between the thighs for “naughty” behaviour.
Dr. Schwarz watched as he muttered through trying to trying to come up with an answer and shook her head before proceeding to write something down on her notepad for the first time in the whole session.
“So now I’m the bad guy? Does none of what I said matter?”
“I’ll answer that as soon as you answer her,” Dr. Schwarz firmly responded, causing Dylan to scoff.
“Just admit that you don’t know what the code is. You don’t know anything when it comes down to it!” Thando screamed.
“I don’t! Okay?” Dylan yelled back, “That’s why this is all so hard for me!”
“Calm,” Dr. Schwarz said, whispering again. This time she even pinched the air to show them to lower their volume.
Dylan abruptly sat back, being triggered by those glasses again. This time he was just thankful that his thighs weren’t the ones getting pinched.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake! We’re not in pre-school!” Thando yelled, her eyes almost falling out from the heavy rolling.
“Talk like a normal person!”
The timer went off. Its shrill, high-pitched tone charged the air with enough urgency to make everyone stand.
“Now hold on,” Dr. Schwarz urged, “I don’t know if now’s the best time to end the session.”
“I’d also say that if my job was to make people pay to sit and — ”
“Then allow me to give you some homework, okay?” The doctor pleaded.
“We can’t stay any longer, okay? I need to fetch a prescription from Dr. Perry’s office before —”
“Perry? From downstairs?” The doctor asked, her body suddenly tensing, “how is he holding up?”
“As well as anyone can after someone creeps in at night, butchers your wife while you sleep and leaves her wrapped in a bow like she’s the perfect present to for you wake up to,” Dylan said, looking right into the doctor’s eyes.
“It’s such a shame, what happened to that couple. I hope they catch the culprit,” the doctor said before taking another big gulp.
“They already did,” Thando said assuringly.
“What?!” The Doctor exclaimed, “I didn’t hear anything about that on the news.”
“And you won’t,” Dylan chimed in, “it would be too much of a scandal if the news broke.”
Thando was now enthusiastically nodding in agreement.
“Dr Perry himself doesn’t want the world to know what happened ‘cause… well, he blames himself,” Dylan continued.
“And why on Earth would he do that?”
“He mentored the murderer.”
The cup fell out of the doctor’s hands. She was so embroiled in shock that it took a while for her to notice everyone crouching down to help clean up the mess. She shook as helped pick up the shards.
“Are you okay?” Thando asked with great concern.
The door swung open before the doctor could respond. A man in a kind of uniform the doctor didn’t recognize barged in.
“Who are you?” Dr. Schwarz confusedly asked, “can’t you see that I’m in the middle of a session?!”
“I knew it wouldn’t work,” the person disappointedly remarked, placing a palm on their face to emphasise the disappointment.
“Oh, give it time” Thando said, taking a badge out from one of her pockets, “it always works!”
She promptly pinned the badge onto her chest. Dr Schwarz squinted to read what was written on it, a decision she quickly regretted. Her mouth dried up as her eyes graced over the words and colour literally flew out of the room as reality dawned onto her.
George Mckee Mental Institution. The badge read.
“How much more time could you possibly need?” The uniformed intruder asked.
“Well,” Dylan looked at his watch, “I’d say that we should expect for the good doctor to be out in 5… 4… 3… 2 … — ”
The doctor passed out.
“Finally!” Thando exclaimed, “Thanks, Kirk. We’ve got it from here!”
Kirk left as abruptly as he had arrived.
“So?” Thando asked Dylan as soon as the door was closed.
“You take the legs, I’ve got the arms,” Dylan responded.’
“Not that!” Thando said, getting up, “I’m talking about the other thing.”
“What other thing?” Dylan inquired, taking a hold of the doctor’s arms.
“Well, everything you said here today. I thought you were finally fine with the idea of me retiring!”
“We’ve been doing this for thirteen years, Thando!” He grunted, struggling as he started to lift the doctor off the ground.
They carried the doctor over to “her desk”, which, was really just a single bed draped in white linen that the doctor sat on whenever they had a “session”. They carefully placed her on her side.
“You know, for a moment I expected her to know what was going on,” Thando said, placing a cover over the doctor.
“You mean when she mentioned Dr. Perry?” Dylan asked in response.
“She killed the man’s wife!” Thando said, whispering as though she didn’t want the doctor to hear.
“Well you don’t need to whisper, it’s not like she can hear you!”
“I know,” Thando said, still whispering, “It just gives me creeps, you know? How can she not remember?”
“I think it’s ‘cause she doesn’t want to. I wouldn’t! Imagine going from being a respected marriage counsellor to murdering one of your clients just because she questioned your techniques!”
There was silence as each of them pondered what a difficult reality that must be.
“Do you wanna finish our conversation ?” Thando suddenly asked
“Oh, yeah…. Where were we?” He opened the door and motioned for Thando to go through first.
“You had just started talking about how we’ve been doing this for thirteen years,” she walked out.
“Yeah. Thirteen years, twelve months and sixteen days,” he shut the door.
Maybe we are that kind of couple, Thando thought, a huge smile plastered on her face.
King of The Kei 