I can’t believe I survived 2016.
I’m not just saying this because of the hype around “2016 was a trash year”… 2016 legitimately was the hardest year of my life. I started this blog the year before last and I thought I’d have at least forty posts on it by now because when I started it I had so many ideas; from posts centred around promoting Afrocentrism, posts about body positivity and the struggle young black women face with loving and accepting the colour of their skin, the shape of their hair and the type of body they have, short stories I write in my spare time and basically everything that goes on in my mind… but the challenges I faced in these past two years gave me the worst writer’s block.
- I lost five people that I really cared about (when I say lost I mean they died)
- I got critically ill
- People who I thought cared about me showed me that they never did.
And I basically started to question my faith and my purpose.
When you’re as down as I was you start to lose interest in the things that bring you joy because you feel that there’s no point since moments of joy don’t last long. Writing really brings me joy: be it fiction, poetry or just me blabbing and now that I feel better, I can’t wait for ideas to flood my mind so I can write again.
I’m starting 2017 as someone who has decided to strengthen her relationship with God, sharpen my focus on academics, chase my dreams and love myself even harder.
Oh wait… I’m in a relationship.
Remember the blog post about possibly meeting a guy? Well, I’m dating that guy now and I’ve got to say, dating is not as hard as I thought it would be. The last time I was in a relationship with a man I truly loved was with Omega (R.I.P) – going to be a bit awks if the other men I dated after Ohm read this; so I’m a bit rusty when it comes to making them work but the one thing I’m not is scared.
I love my boyfriend and I don’t want to lose him but I’m not scared to lose him. I hope you don’t misconstrue this as me saying I unconditionally trust him, I’m not that naïve… It just means that I’m not going to go through this relationship scared that he’s going to be snatched from me or that he’ll realize he wants something else, I acknowledge that things might end that way – most relationships end that way, but I’m going to enjoy every single moment of feeling loved and being happy and hope for the best. If things end badly then I will be hurt but my heart will heal as it always has and I will love again.
I hope to stay as happy as I am and become even happier as the year progresses and I hope for the same for you.
Happy New Year!