My deepest fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?”

I am sorry Marianne Williamson but that is not my deepest fear.
My deepest fear is that I could be wasting four, five or six years of my life in an institution that drains me instead of empowering me when I could be pursuing what I’m really passionate about.
My deepest fear is that there are children out there who yearn to be amidst these walls but have no hope of ever being here because of a financially exclusive system.
My deepest fear is we will be landless forever while Nkandla builds more fire pools and white estates continue to flourish and stretch over fields our people should have deeds to.

My deepest fear is I’ll forever live in a country with people who believe my people deserved to be oppressed
People who cleave to wealth while the majority starves and our backs, still scarred from the whips of their forefathers, stay undressed.
I live in a country where graduates work in bars serving politicians who gloat about corruption
Where a plea for help is seen as a disruption
And Ubuntu has become as mythical as the the belief of a peaceful ‘Rainbow Nation’.
My deepest fear is we will never be allowed to love who we want and be who we want.
My deepest fear is that I so many nights questioning God that he’ll lock me out of heaven
“Where were you when my brother died?”
“Where were you when the neighbor killed his wife in front of his kids?”
“Where were you when my people were enslaved?”

My biggest fear not just that I have a bit of darkness in me,
It’s that I have no light.

We live in a world where black people could always bear the cross of constant suffering, that is my biggest fear.


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